What Constitutes Random?

ran·dom: /ˈrændəm/ -adj. lacking any definite plan or order or purpose; governed by or depending on chance; "a random choice"; "bombs fell at random"; "random movements"

That is too say, on your way home from Bonnaroo, along your pre-Google Mapped route, you did NOT "randomly" find that IKEA that is located off the highway. It did not magically appear out of nowhere. You are not the Christopher Columbus of cheap Swedish furnishing. You can see the damn blue and yellow box from I-75. (See Exhibit A.)

While your decision to visit said IKEA could be seen as spontaneous—that is, NOT premeditated—in my professional opinion I don't believe this to be the case. Me thinks you deliberately chose this highway just for the thrill of pretending to be Zooey Deschanel acting out a scene from 500 Days of Summer.

My prescription for overcoming your confusion of random and spontaneous vs. strategic and contrived: Lay off the indie movies (especially those with the title written in hand-drawn fonts) and invest in a dictionary.

---Your Friend, The English Language